I accidentally burped into my bong.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
