I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
