After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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