It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize