Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
