he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
