That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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