her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
