Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize