I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
