I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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