I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
