the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
this just has baby written all over it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
