I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
