I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize