you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
