There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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