It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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