the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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