took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
