I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
