I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
