You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
