I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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