I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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