You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
