paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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