Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
