I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
