Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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