Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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