Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
