I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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