Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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