I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
