I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
