I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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