standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we're making bets on your personal life
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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