I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize