I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Randomize