Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
