I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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