I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
