Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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