Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
