I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
