is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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