Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
