We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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