You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
