Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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