"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
