I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
