Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
