I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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