Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she smelled like a LAN party
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
