Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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