I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
