my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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