On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
