Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
