Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
