He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
