You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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