I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
