Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
