We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
