Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
