Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
