you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
